The Anti-hustle Manifesto: Unlearning the “Always on” Mindset.

In a bid to reclaim some fun and connection, my partner and I (mainly spearheaded by our self-appointed Chief Morale Officer) dove headfirst into the world of gaming PCs and World of Warcraft. While I've been happily getting lost in Azeroth, a familiar foe has crept into my downtime: mom guilt. The laundry piles up, dishes overflow, and a chorus of "shoulds" echoes in my mind. Should I be reading instead? Mowing the lawn? Doing something productive? My brain feels foggy, yet the guilt persists. Is this the lingering echo of patriarchal expectations, whispering that my worth lies solely in serving others? Why must I constantly be busy? In this blog post, I want to explore the idea that doing nothing isn't a failure, but a necessary reset. It's time for me to override the "always on" button and embrace the quiet moments.

I am fully aware that there are several things siphoning my energy, leaving me feeling like an empty battery.

Firstly, the aftermath of the infamous "Haribo Gate" incident threw my routines into disarray, including my medication schedule. Lexapro withdrawals have been a real struggle, making it even harder to muster up the energy to tackle daily tasks. I'm hoping to get back on track soon, but it's a process.

Secondly, I've returned to work after a blissful summer hiatus with Haribo Gate officially behind me. My brain is working overtime trying to remember what exactly I do for a living (okay, slight exaggeration, but it's been a challenge!). Combine that with the usual onslaught of laundry, dishes, and work deadlines, and it's no wonder I'm feeling depleted. Oh, and my poor greenhouse plants are probably dead at this point, casualties of my forgetfulness amidst the chaos.

All of these factors have contributed to my weekend's low energy. I need to give myself a little grace and remember that it's okay for my mind and body to rebel and say, "Enough is enough!" I deserve rest, and it's perfectly acceptable for me to prioritize my well-being.

Thankfully, I've cultivated a strong sense of self-awareness and know when my mental health needs a little extra TLC. Giving myself grace isn't a foreign concept, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. Unlearning the deeply ingrained societal expectation that mothers must hold everything together is a constant battle.

To navigate this tension, I've developed strategies to balance rest with the nagging feeling that I should be doing something. I set small, achievable tasks for myself, like completing one load of laundry from start to finish – washing, drying, folding, and putting away. It's a small victory that helps quiet the guilt.

I also remind myself that I'm not the only one living in this house. The dishes aren't solely my responsibility, nor is the mountain of laundry. Delegating tasks is not only acceptable, it's essential for maintaining my sanity. When tackling my chosen chore, I'll enlist the kids to help with smaller tasks. These little contributions add up, and it lighten the load for everyone.

My children are familiar with my mental health journey, so they understand when I'm struggling. They often step up and do more than I ask, without complaint. Their compassion and support have been instrumental in helping me learn to override the "always on" switch. I'm incredibly grateful for my wonderful little family crew.

While I'm all for delegating, some tasks actually bring me a sense of peace. Mowing the lawn is one of them. It gets me outside, provides a bit of exercise, and the rhythmic back-and-forth motion allows me to switch off and go on autopilot. To make it even more manageable, I split my lawn into sections and tackle them on different days. I also avoid setting myself up for failure. If I know my energy levels are low, I won't attempt a task I can't complete. Sometimes, my "task" for the day is simply making the bed and vacuuming. It might seem small, but it's still an accomplishment.

Furthermore, I've been actively retraining my brain to see artistic pursuits as valuable and productive. Painting, writing, or any creative activity is not "doing nothing." When I make time for art and create something, I consider that a successful and productive day. Recognizing the importance of art in my life has been a significant step in my mental health journey.

Change begins with us. We need to normalize talking about doing nothing. When someone asks about my weekend, I'll proudly proclaim, "I played video games all weekend, and it was fantastic!" If they judge me, that's their problem. If they see it as a failure, they're welcome to tackle the chores I put on hold.

My hope is that by openly embracing and celebrating rest, others will realize that we're all tired! It's time to make it okay to admit that sometimes, the most productive thing we can do is absolutely nothing at all.

If you've noticed a back-and-forth in this blog post between guilt and pride, that's because it mirrors the inner battle I often grapple with. Some days, I'm perfectly content with my decision to do nothing. On other days, the mom guilt creeps in, reminding me of the countless tasks and responsibilities that seem to hinge on my constant attention. It's a struggle to unlearn the deeply ingrained belief that as women, we should feel ashamed for prioritizing rest.

In full transparency, I started writing this blog post as a way to convince myself that it's okay to hide out in my home office and immerse myself in video games. I refuse to believe I'm the only one who feels this way. If you're reading this and nodding along, know that you are not alone.

We all deserve moments of respite, even (and perhaps especially) when life feels overwhelming. Let's permit ourselves to rest without guilt, knowing that we're not just recharging our batteries but also taking a stand against the unrealistic expectations placed upon us.

This journey of embracing rest hasn't been easy. The internal tug-of-war between guilt and self-compassion is ongoing, but I'm learning to tip the scales in favor of grace. It's a process of unlearning and redefining what it means to be productive, to be a good mother, and to simply be human.

I hope this honest reflection resonates with others who find themselves battling the "always on" mentality. Let's continue the conversation, challenge the stigma, and create a world where rest is not only accepted but celebrated. Remember, we're all in this together, navigating the complexities of life and striving to find balance. And sometimes, the most courageous act is to simply pause, breathe, and do absolutely nothing at all.

Sincerely,

A very tired Vanessa.